Audio of Session 2: The How To's of Dating

Hey gang,

Here's the audio from the teaching of Session 2 by Chris and Abby Goins.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/Wccsingle/DatingGame2a.mp3

And here is the audio from the Q & A.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/Wccsingle/DatingGame2b.mp3

Enjoy!

Summary of Session 2: The How To's of Dating

1. Is dating a big deal to God? YES!!!!
a. If marriage is a picture of God’s ultimate love and pursuit of the church (Eph 5: 25- 28)
then what is dating?? (dating vs. courting)
i. Dating – more casual as you decide if that is a person that you might possibly be able to
marry
ii. Courting – more serious form of dating…usually exclusive and with the intent of
marriage. Courting is not a term used much today.
b. What is the purpose of dating?
i. If dating is a process for marriage and we know what the Bible says marriage is…then
dating is just getting to know someone – finding that person that you are going to marry.
c. What does God’s Word say about dating and how you should date?
i. Song of Solomon 1:1-2:7

2. Attraction: What type of person should I date?? (Song of Songs 1: 1-6)
a. Believer (2 Cor 6:14)
i. Pursuing Christ with everything they have! The most important thing you can do in
dating is do your work on the front end while single.
ii. “Don’t look for someone that can walk on water; look for someone that can swim
pretty well.”
b. Name = Character (S of S 1:3)
i. What kind of reputation/name follows the person? You should be proud to be with
someone you are dating and it is always a good indication of what your family and people in
your community say about that person.
c. Physical Appearance (S of S 1: 5-6) – Physical appearance is important.
i. Insecurities of a girl – In Song of Songs, the girls was insecure and ashamed of how she
looked (her dark skin) and how did Solomon respond?
1. Compromise values – You are ready to date when you don’t have to compromise any
aspect of your relationship with Christ in order to be with the person to whom you are
attracted.
2. Body image – Finding confidence in Christ and who he has created and designed your
body to be.
ii. Insecurities of a guy -
1. Compromise values
2. Body image
d. Confident: knows who he/she is in Christ and doesn’t try to make you fill that role...you will
NEVER be able to fill those shoes. We were created for relationships and everyone wants to
feel desired, wanted, respected, appreciated, etc.; however, because of the broken world we
live in and the lack of good fathers – if that is something we have never heard growing up…we
will look for a guy to feel that void and to make us feel that way.

3. Roles in dating: How should we move towards one another?
a. Should girls ask guys out? When you have feelings for a guy, what do you do with that?
i. Compromise – Don’t become someone you aren’t, trying to get the guy to like you. You
are robbing yourself and God of who He created you, and ONLY you to be.
ii. Build Walls – fear, hurt. The enemy will use past relationships, hurt, pain, shame to rob
us of the great relationship that He wants us to have. Many people will shut down around
the person they like because they are afraid of being hurt, rejection, feeling stupid, etc.. Is
that person worth it??
iii. “Lower the fence” (1:7) – she wanted to be where he was. What are ways that a girl can
let a guy know she is interested without being forward and asking him out?
b. Guys – move towards her but not clumsily.
i. Fear of rejection
ii. How to ask. With confidence and clarity (2:14). Clearly state your intentions and offer
security in your communications – she always knows where your heart is and where you
stand.
c. Guys: lead, protect
d. Gals: respond, “complete”

4. Healthy Dating (1:9-2:6)
a. What should a person feel in dating?
i. Special
ii. Handsome
iii. Beautiful
iv. Secure – Security in a relationship breeds trust, openness, intimacy. Communicating is
the best way to let the other person know where you stand – don’t keep them guessing.
v. Affection grows (2: 1-6) – as the relationship progresses, your heart should be drawn
closer and closer to the other person – through growing friendship, comfortable, trust,
security.
b. Community involvement in dating

5. It’s Good, it’s Natural! Wait! (2:7)

Audio of Session 1: The Fundamentals

Hello friends,

Here is the audio for the first session of "The Dating Game." http://s3.amazonaws.com/Wccsingle/DatingGame1a.mp3

And here is the audio from the Q & A from session 1. http://s3.amazonaws.com/Wccsingle/DatingGame1b.mp3

Enjoy!

Further thoughts on daily dying

While continuing to mull over in my mind all that was said and asked last night, I wanted to take a quick minute this morning to add further clarity (I hope) to the application point of "daily dying." Several of you asked what that looked like and expressed concerns about people who would take advantage of that self-sacrificing spirit for their own selfish desires and motives. While I think I said this in a round about sort of way in answer to that question, I want to state it again more directly.

Choosing to die to yourself daily is not first and foremost dying to the will of another person. First and foremost, it is choosing to die to the will of God. This morning I was reading John 5 and beginning in vs. 19, Jesus says this, "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." This is the call of daily dying. It is dying to the will of our Father, just as Jesus modeled for us, and in so doing, He will guide us in how we are to die to the needs, wants, and desires of others around us. We cannot and must not die to the will of others if the driving force of that decision is not based on a commitment to the will of our Father first.

So, as in all things, take your cue from Jesus, die to the will of the Father, and He will lead you in living a life of sacrifice to glorify Him.

The Dating Game Session 1: The Fundamentals

Welcome to the official blog for "The Dating Game" of Watermark Single Adult Ministry. We'll post thoughts, good articles, and summaries of each week's session for you to read through, dialogue about and ask questions. We will do our best to answer all questions and comments posted on the blog.

Tonight, we discussed the basic fundamentals of dating, and really of relationships and started off with this simple truth: Romans 12:1-2 teaches us that the world is constantly asking and enticing us to conform to patterns that it considers normal, while God has outlined ways that He promises will transform our lives and help us to discern His will for our life. The way our culture views dating and relationships is no exception to this rule, so we must constantly ask ourselves the question, "Is my view of dating (or whatever) consistent with God's view or is it one of the patterns that I have chosen to conform to?"

So, how can we keep from conforming and instead be transformed? These verses say that we are transformed by the renewing of our mind, which comes through the revelation of God through His Word, His Spirit, and His people. Therefore, we said that the goal of these next 5 weeks is this:

Not to give you a formula for dating success, but to expose the patterns of the world for what they are and to offer you a new lens to look through to transform and redeem your view of dating for the will and purposes of God.

So, we looked at 7 Foundational Principles for renewing our mind. Here they are. These are basic, but crucial for beginning our discussion of this topic.

1. We were created for relationships (Genesis 1:26; 2:18; Matthew 22:37-39; Psalm 139:1-4)
2. All relationships are broken (Genesis 3), therefore dating is broken.
3. All human relationships will leave us unsatisfied (John 4:9-18; Ecclesiastes 2:8-11)
4. Our only hope for restored relationships is the Passion of Jesus Christ (1 John 4:10; John 6:35)
5. God is aware of and interested in our desire for relationships (Psalm 37:3-7)
6. God's answer to your desire for romantic relationships is marriage, not dating.
7. Marriage is emotional, physical, and spiritual "oneness" that only comes through daily dying (Ephesians 5:22-27; Philippians 2:3-8; Romans 12:1).

We then wrapped up this discussion with one very concise, simple, yet incredibly difficult application point. If we were created for relationships, but all relationships are broken and will leave us unsatisfied, then we must look to the One who has restored all relationships, pursue his purposes for relationships, and imitate his model of perfection in relationships. What is that? Simply put, it is daily dying to self. Romans 12:1 says we are "living sacrifices" if we have submitted our lives to the mercy of God. If that is true, what evidence of "death to self" is there in my life.

I firmly believe this, if you want to prepare for dating and therefore, for marriage, the best preparation is to practice daily dying. Take every opportunity to do so, because this is what our Savior did for us, it is what a great relationship with Him will be built on, and it is what a great relationship with our brothers and sisters in Christ will ultimately be based on. So, take every opportunity to practice it . . . with a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, an "enemy," a family member, a stranger, anyone. This will transform your view of dating, your view of those you date, and most importantly of yourself. Are you dating to be served, or to serve (see Mark 10:45)?

Praying for each of you that you will allow this simple truth to transform your heart this week.