Summary of Session 2: The How To's of Dating

1. Is dating a big deal to God? YES!!!!
a. If marriage is a picture of God’s ultimate love and pursuit of the church (Eph 5: 25- 28)
then what is dating?? (dating vs. courting)
i. Dating – more casual as you decide if that is a person that you might possibly be able to
marry
ii. Courting – more serious form of dating…usually exclusive and with the intent of
marriage. Courting is not a term used much today.
b. What is the purpose of dating?
i. If dating is a process for marriage and we know what the Bible says marriage is…then
dating is just getting to know someone – finding that person that you are going to marry.
c. What does God’s Word say about dating and how you should date?
i. Song of Solomon 1:1-2:7

2. Attraction: What type of person should I date?? (Song of Songs 1: 1-6)
a. Believer (2 Cor 6:14)
i. Pursuing Christ with everything they have! The most important thing you can do in
dating is do your work on the front end while single.
ii. “Don’t look for someone that can walk on water; look for someone that can swim
pretty well.”
b. Name = Character (S of S 1:3)
i. What kind of reputation/name follows the person? You should be proud to be with
someone you are dating and it is always a good indication of what your family and people in
your community say about that person.
c. Physical Appearance (S of S 1: 5-6) – Physical appearance is important.
i. Insecurities of a girl – In Song of Songs, the girls was insecure and ashamed of how she
looked (her dark skin) and how did Solomon respond?
1. Compromise values – You are ready to date when you don’t have to compromise any
aspect of your relationship with Christ in order to be with the person to whom you are
attracted.
2. Body image – Finding confidence in Christ and who he has created and designed your
body to be.
ii. Insecurities of a guy -
1. Compromise values
2. Body image
d. Confident: knows who he/she is in Christ and doesn’t try to make you fill that role...you will
NEVER be able to fill those shoes. We were created for relationships and everyone wants to
feel desired, wanted, respected, appreciated, etc.; however, because of the broken world we
live in and the lack of good fathers – if that is something we have never heard growing up…we
will look for a guy to feel that void and to make us feel that way.

3. Roles in dating: How should we move towards one another?
a. Should girls ask guys out? When you have feelings for a guy, what do you do with that?
i. Compromise – Don’t become someone you aren’t, trying to get the guy to like you. You
are robbing yourself and God of who He created you, and ONLY you to be.
ii. Build Walls – fear, hurt. The enemy will use past relationships, hurt, pain, shame to rob
us of the great relationship that He wants us to have. Many people will shut down around
the person they like because they are afraid of being hurt, rejection, feeling stupid, etc.. Is
that person worth it??
iii. “Lower the fence” (1:7) – she wanted to be where he was. What are ways that a girl can
let a guy know she is interested without being forward and asking him out?
b. Guys – move towards her but not clumsily.
i. Fear of rejection
ii. How to ask. With confidence and clarity (2:14). Clearly state your intentions and offer
security in your communications – she always knows where your heart is and where you
stand.
c. Guys: lead, protect
d. Gals: respond, “complete”

4. Healthy Dating (1:9-2:6)
a. What should a person feel in dating?
i. Special
ii. Handsome
iii. Beautiful
iv. Secure – Security in a relationship breeds trust, openness, intimacy. Communicating is
the best way to let the other person know where you stand – don’t keep them guessing.
v. Affection grows (2: 1-6) – as the relationship progresses, your heart should be drawn
closer and closer to the other person – through growing friendship, comfortable, trust,
security.
b. Community involvement in dating

5. It’s Good, it’s Natural! Wait! (2:7)